Literally Leah

sharing is caring, so I obviously care a lot.

I Get Most of My Diet Tips from Roseanne April 26, 2010

Filed under: Fitness,Uncategorized — The Under-Analyst @ 11:56 am
Tags: , ,

The fight for MSG…

Everyone loves a good underdog, why do you think the Chicago Cubs still have fans.? I’ve been on board with the world-wide health kick for several years and pride myself in frequenting the local co-op when money will allow such frivolous purchases.  Organic has become a household name whose reputation resembles that of the class slut who insists she’s still a virgin.  You cannot possibly convince me that everything claiming to be organic truly is. What does organic even mean!?  I am here today to defend the honor of MSG.

MSG, Magical Salty Goodness.  According to MSGtruth.com MSG is commonly blamed for contributing to the following diseases;  obesity, type II diabetes and high blood sugar.  I would be so brazen as to accuse ice cream and laziness of doing the same.  Why does everyone have to pick on poor MSG? Most people associate MSG with Chinese food, which is just plain racist. MSG can be found in the following delicious and culture-varied snacks:  fried chicken, turkey, burgers, potato chips, canned tuna, soups, sushi, fish and my favorite instant noodles!  YUMMY!

While I cannot argue that mild side affects such as vision loss and infertility should be addressed I must insist that with regular carrot consumption and extreme water intake these things really have no value. Like anything good in this world moderation is key i.e.  I moderately travel, see movies and rollerblade.

I do not judge those who would like to free themselves of MSG sodden foods, however, it is important to remember that there are advocates, such as myself, that believe in the freedom of ingestion.

MSG 4 Life!

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Leah Does Yoga… April 29, 2009

Filed under: Fitness — The Under-Analyst @ 4:08 pm

Maybe it’s the California sun or Jennifer Aniston’s body but something motivated me to go to my very first yoga class today.  I wasn’t a complete novice… I had seen a few videos and even participated in the hotbox yoga, Bikram, twice while living in Barcelona.  But in all reality I don’t know downward dog from sideface pigeon.  I felt confident though, I’m long and somewhat lean, how hard could basic stretching be?  I was so excited last night that I even looked at target.com to see what the going rate for yoga mats is. yoga

This morning I woke up feeling less confident.  Maybe I should wait a bit, maybe I’m not ready for yoga? I was less afraid of farting and more afraid of the pretentious downward doggers that would be surrounding me in a claustrophobic room. But the giant sand hill that once was my fitness friend has turned violent with the coming of summer.  Its sand scorches the bottom of my feet and I can’t bear to wear shoes, all that sand in there, it’s just horrible. So… yoga here I come.

I arrived early, dressed in what I deemed appropriate yoga attire, leggings and a tank top.  I was surprised to see that there weren’t many people.  I read on their website that these donate only classes (suggested amount $12) were always really full and to arrive twenty minutes early.  A lady with a cute baby sat next to me on the right.  Then another woman came in with a baby.. and another, and another.  

Wait.. this IS the yoga level 1 class, right?  

Nope, once again I have outdone myself, misread the schedule and now am waiting for the Mommy and Me yoga class.  I considered leaving but the woman on my right urged me to stay saying I’d still benefit from it.  I did build myself up for this yoga today, so I stayed.

At least it will be easy.  How hard can a yoga class be when there are a bunch of babies?  I lay my mat down, following the circular set up of the room.  Wow, there are a lot of babies here, and they are loud.  Oh, that baby is super cute! I hope my babies are cute, how shitty to have an ugly baby, like that baby over there, sad.  Ok, enough judging babies, after all the point of yoga is to leave our heads and focus on our breath and bodies.  Our teacher comes in, she’s pregnant.  She asks us if anyone is new.  I raise my hand, “Hi, I’m new, and I don’t have a baby.”  Some of the women smile, a few giggle. The instructor says, “Don’t worry, although I must warn you this class is going to be loud and chaotic.”  I’m getting the picture.  As I look around kids are crawling, running, screaming.  The kid on my right is picking his nose and wiping it on his mom’s mat. Perfect.  

We start with a few breathing exercises.  So this is downward dog… okay, not so bad.  Wow, I’m a natural.  Wait, where am I supposed to put my leg?  Oh crap, I can’t hear what this lady is saying over these damn kids.  Oww, this really hurts. I am so not flexible.  Oh yeah, breathing, in, out, okay.  What? No I can’t do that! Wait, is that lady over there on her back holding her baby with her toes?  Warrior posing, I am a warrior. Yes, breathing.  Now it’s time to do upside down time?  These moms are super humans! That Asian lady is standing on her head.  And that mommy is doing it too! Crap. I am trying, okay, the teacher sees I am struggling she is telling me to put my knees under my armpits, lean into my arms and levitate, resting all pressure on my arms.  Hah, yeah right.  I “levitate” for three second and proceed to fall flat on my face which hurts. I wait for this part to be over.  We do some more leg stretches, I am sweating.  I look at the clock, is it over yet?  Meanwhile kids are crying, a woman on my left just got hit in the head with a toy some little boy threw.  The instructor is chasing after some boy named Hudson.  I look up and notice the lights are turning on and off.  Then I see the little girl who has found the light switch.  I am exhausted.  

Finally she tells us to lay back and breath.  It’s over.  I lie there, reflecting on my yoga.  

The mommies are all very nice and not pretentious at all, that was a relief.  Maybe I will try this again, minus the babies.

I overhear one of the other women talk about a Tuesday class with a hot instructor. Apparently this hot yoga instructor makes her blush especially when he adjusts her posture in her poses.  She tells her friend that she almost feels guilty after class when she goes home to her husband.  Now that’s interesting…

At least I have zero guilt leaving Mommy and Me, just a sore back and bruised forehead.

 

Hajj to a slimmer waist and tight butt March 30, 2009

Filed under: Fitness — The Under-Analyst @ 4:29 am

My hajj to Mecca differs slightly from Islamic tradition. Hajj, usually referred to as “pilgrimage” is, for me, more of a lumbering, slow, pitiful ascent. And Mecca, a term for a precise location (religious holy land) is more of a state of physical perfection in my case. Why would I be so brazen and dare to compare my journey for physical perfection to a serious Islamic tradition?  Because I’m slightly insensitive and from what I hear the Hajj is long and difficult (now you see the metaphor…). 

Dear Treadmill,

It’s been a while, sorry.  We’re breaking up.  It’s not you, it’s me.  I’ve met someone else.  Who, you ask?  A big pile of sand.  Yeah, I know… not so good on paper.  You’re great, don’t get me wrong.  I like the way you can tell me exactly how many calories I’ve burned and I love the convenient water bottle holder.  But let’s face it, you’re hard on my knees and scenically speaking you don’t offer much.  I hope we can remain friends…?

Cordially,

Leah

 

Dear big pile of sand near my house (Sand Dune Park),sandhill

Hi sweetie!! I know we just saw each other this afternoon but do you miss me yet?  Oh gosh, today was fun.  I can’t believe how many people actually come and climb you! But don’t worry I’m not the jealous type.  I just think it’s so neat that I, along with most of Manhattan Beach, found such a different and almost fun way to work out.  I also really appreciate the rope in the middle to keep children to one side and exercising adults to the other (nothing worse than little sand throwing assholes when I’m getting sweaty).  It’s such a great feeling of accomplishment once I’ve made it to your peak!  My calves are a little sore right now, I’m not gonna lie.  But with your help I know this could be a really good thing (and my butt agrees).  Can’t wait to see you tomorrow! I’m gonna wear my new sport’s bra 😉

Love,

Leah

Yes, finally I can be like the girls in the SELF and FITNESS magazine pictures!! You know, they are always doing some crazy lunge or squatting eagle thing on a beach somewhere sunny.  And I don’t even have to feel dumb because there are a bunch of other people walking/lunging/crawling up this big sand pile!  While my Hajj to a slimmer waist and tight butt is still long and difficult I have now regained some sort of hope thanks to my new neighborhood sand hill.  Hoooorraaaay!