Literally Leah

sharing is caring, so I obviously care a lot.

R.I.P Leah Jr. Barren for eternity?? October 8, 2009

Filed under: Fail,Identity — The Under-Analyst @ 8:11 pm
Tags: , ,

Leah and (fill in the blank) plus 8jonandkate

never gonna happen. 

Ok, technically I suppose that could happen since they used fertility drugs but it’s the principle of the matter that I am referring to; having babies, damnit.

Our professor looks out onto the young unsuspecting class (myself included) and announces that 1 out of every 4 women in the room will suffer from infertility.  I discreetly glance around for that 1 in my row. Aha, it’s most likely that redhead at the end with the leopard printed backpack, poor thing, but in this case it’s probably for the best.  I am still feeling bad for the barren cheetah co-ed when the professor proceeds to tell us that with our generation pushing back breeding so late we are experiencing infertility more than ever.  I nod my head in agreement. old-lady-with-baby-cut Who are these crazy fifty somethings having babies anyway?  But, wait.  She isn’t referring to the crazy fifty somethings, no she is talking about the thirties… what, wait, did she say 31!?  Yes, apparently at the age of 31 women’s ability to become pregnant decreases by a staggering 50%.  I begin to panic and quickly look at my right hand to count my fingers.  Okay, 25 oh crap I’ll be 26 in January, okay, 27,28,29, 30, 31.  Oh my GOD!  FIVE FINGERS!? NOOOOOOOOOOO.  I then start to calculate the other variables;  2 more years for school puts me at 28, which only leaves me with 3 years to get my career going, say yes to a request of marriage, marry and set up the nursery! SHIT. 

Defeated, I look over at the infertile backpack girl and take a deep breath.  We now have become one in the same.   What have I been doing all these years?  Wasting precious baby making opportunities!  It’s too late now.  And I’m not ready! !  I could adopt later, older celebrities do that all the time.  But I think those babies are expensive, hhmm, I could just get more cats or maybe my brother and his wife could give me their kid, he’s cute and I like him. 

I now decide that this class is depressing and just plain mean. I already have a slight inkling that I am the oldest in this particular course (some of the freshman still have braces.)  It was only a few weeks ago that my ageist professor called me out, “Are there any of you who are 25 or older in the class?”  Not a single hand went up.  I was going to be honest and raise my hand, but that would have blown my cover… (as a hard-hitting blogger trying to understand the complexities of undergrad psychology?). She continued to inform us that our main capacity for learning stops by 25 so if we had some sort of genius it would have already developed.  Well great news for the 18 year olds surrounding me, but what about me!?  There’s ZERO chance of me becoming a genius??!!

I am at knowledge capacity, simply recycling my old tattered memory cells, and infertile (according to my 3 credit requirement).  I am thinking about how unfair the world is when I remember how hard that lady’s life was who ruled that south american country.  Crap, what was her name?  I think she grew up really poor and had to sleep her way to the top.  Oh yeah, it’s that Madonna movie.  Evita!  Yeah, life was hard on her, she didn’t have babies and she didn’t let it stop her from singing really good songs with Antonio Banderas and when she died a lot of people went to see her casket.  Yes, don’t cry for me minnesota… it could be worse I suppose.


2 Responses to “R.I.P Leah Jr. Barren for eternity??”

  1. SHiT! I’ll be 31 in a year & a half?! I’m totally screwed. …& only in the way you’re referring to…

  2. the other rubia Says:

    haha! I’ll be right there with ya. Maybe I should just go ahead and reproduce with the charming well-off Frenchman I’m sleeping with. ?

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