My mother finally came to visit me last weekend. I’ve been living in California now for seven months and was starting to wonder if she was ever going to come (she never visited me while I was living in Spain). I understand that she hates to travel… but I am her daughter, come on (besides… who hates travel???).
I took her down to Venice to see Muscle Beach and the freaks. As we walked down the boardwalk mom stopped and excitedly yelled, “Oh my god leah, let’s get our palms read!”
I had heard of the Venice Beach Palm Reader. A friend of mine claimed she was not only affordable but extremely accurate as well (apparently she foresaw the demise of a mutual friend’s relationship to some jerk).
I shrugged and quickly jumped on board.
We walked closer and examined the sign advertising, “palm readings for $10.” Above the sign was a small staircase leading up to a little balcony with two chairs and a table overlooking the strand. We climbed the stairs eager and giddy like adolescent boys entering a brothel. The landing was empty so we turned to the sliding screen door on our left. A dark sheet draped on the other side of the screen blocked our view into the old apartment. Mom gently called out, “hello,” and knocked against the aluminum frame. A funny little dog with a cone around his neck burst through a small tear in the screen near our feet. The door slid to the left and behind the dark sheet a middle aged blonde woman emerged wearing a sleeveless, Caribbean-looking muumuu. She took a seat in one of the chairs and asked who wanted to go first. Being brave, I hastily volunteered my mother.
She asked her if she was right-handed and grasped her wrist to examine the fleshy palm. Mom was informed she would have a long life, at least 80, (this pissed her off and she wouldn’t stop complaining about the injustice of a long, old, hard life the rest of the weekend). The psychic continued her “reading,” remarking on mom’s broken love line. She guessed my mother had been married twice. Mom politely corrected her with, “actually it’s number four.” The woman nodded and replied, “yes, but for some reason I’m getting the sense that two of those you really don’t count.” My mom nodded vigorously, laughing at her own expense and gushing, “I always say that!” Lady Fortuna then announced, “the guy you are married to now is a good man, why are you so hard on him?” This left my mom looking stunned and gaped-mouthed (we had just been going over what a nitpick she was with him). Wow, so far I was convinced this lady was the real deal. She then said that she could tell my mother was an intuitive woman who needed creativity in her life. She segued this into career talk and told mom to never go back to the cube (again a subject we had been mulling over for several weeks).
She immediately tells me that I have a young spirit and asks me how old I am. I tell her, “25.” She looks shocked and proceeds to tell me that my energy is still around 17 and that I have a hard time growing up. “Marmee did you hear that?” I call out. Mom nods in agreement. The Palm Reader doesn’t mention anything about how long I’ll live, I take this to mean I’ve got a rather short life ahead of me (I bet mom is jealous). She then tells me that I love to travel. I agree but am skeptical because doesn’t everyone love to travel (my mother not included)?? The Mystical Maiden goes on to say that she sees me writing, possibly doing journalism. She says that I should be traveling and writing. Obviously! I tell her that I am in fact a writer with my very own blog. She doesn’t look impressed and continues on with her reading. She tells me that my current boyfriend isn’t “the one.” She says that I should be dating, but not necessarily sleeping with any of them (I later find out why). There will be a couple of relationships before I find “the one.” She says I will marry in the next 5 to 8 years and that I am extremely fertile so I need to be careful of any unexpected pregnancies… eeks. She definitely sees children in my future, at least two although I may have anywhere from 2-10 children. 10!!???
How cruel to leave 10 orphaned children after I die from a short life-line. Good thing my mom is going to live so long, someone will have to take care of the kids when I’m gone.
Thank you Lady Fortuna, best deal in town; $10 fortune telling and blog material to boot.