I want to be European.
It’s not that I wish to denounce my American citizenship (in fact I am both grateful and happy holding a U.S. passport) but rather it’s a desperate desire to belong to a historical and culturally superior (yes I said superior, ish) legion of countries. Sometimes I have fantasies in which the USA is ceremoniously inducted into the European Union (fantasies, keyword). There are people (lucky bastards) who have claim to this title, Ameripean, through the miracle of dual citizenship. I am not one of them. They can cross both American and European borders with ease, finding legal employment and even permanent residency! While living in Spain my fellow illegal alien American girlfriends and I jokingly launched “project EU,” and although marrying a somewhat stranger for purely legal purposes loses all romantic credibility… the idea wasn’t half bad (no pressure novio). But maintaining an American identity is important and that is why the “Ameri” takes precedence over the “pean” in this title.
The term Ameripean is not always good. We are all familiar with the travelers who become “worldly” and thus superior. Eeewww.
Are you questioning your Ameripeaness? Of course you are and you’re in luck because I have created the perfect quiz in order to rate your level of Ameripeaness.
Are you an Ameripean?
1. Do you have both an American passport and E.U. passport? dual citizenship…
2. Do you unabashedly feel superior to fellow U.S. citizens that have yet to cross the ocean?
3. In any given conversation do you find a way to mention your experiences abroad? “well when I was in Paris… unlike Prague…”
4. Are your dinner parties in Euro themes? Tapas & Sangria or Bangers & Mash…
5. Do you pride yourself with the fact that various items in your home and/or wardrobe originate from your travels?
6. When asked for your I.D. do you produce a tattered, stamped passport?
7. Is your significant other and/or best friend either from Europe or first acquainted with while in Europe?
8. Does the travel channel turn you on?
If you have answered yes to more than three of these questions, you are in fact an Ameripean.